Monday, July 20, 2009


I want to share this article with you. I wrote it a few weeks ago for a Singles magazine and the issue came up with a friend again last week and somehow, this found its way to my blog. I hope it blesses you.

"for God is not [a God] of confusion, but of peace" - 1 Cor 14:33

Tonia and Fred had been dating for six years and now it was crunch time. To marry Fred or not? Or rather the real question was ‘Is he the right man for me or not?’ This was the crux of Tonia’s dilemma. There’s no doubt that she’s in love with Fred but she knows marriage involves so much more and she was scared of making a wrong choice and having an unhappy marriage.

Fred had proposed and Tonia had accaepted his proposal but from that moment she had been disturbed. She could not talk to anybody about how she was feeling. She had not even told anybody about Fred’s proposal and her own acceptance. Not even her family members. Instead she had turned to God. Tonia prayed and prayed for a confirmation from God about her decision but the Holy Spirit was strangely silent.

That was not surprising.

In the six years Tonia had been with Fred, he had done nothing but try to change her to another person. He had systematically cut off all her friends over the years. He had curtailed her outings and shut down the outgoing, fun loving, ever laughing girl in her. He had his own opinion of what a wife should be and he was determined to make Tonia into that image without regard for her God-given nature and personality.
He took complete control of her finances, collecting her salary at the end of each month, leaving her with only the amount he felt she needed for basic purchases. He knew how much she spent on calls and gave her a budget for personal amenities. He planned her life for her, including what to do, when and how to do it.

When her parents expressed their misgivings, Tonia excused Fred saying he was making her into a better Christian and wife material. Her parents kept quiet verbally but raised their voices even louder to God not to let their daughter make the wrong choice. They know true love makes you better but they also know love doesn’t suppress your nature. Rather, it builds it up.

The Holy Spirit didn’t answer Tonia’s question because there was no need to. He knew that Tonia knows, deep in her heart, that Fred is not the man for her but because she loved him, she refused to face up to that fact. Even if Jesus Christ should appear in front of her physically and tell her not to marry Fred, she would find a way to change the message to suit her.

The most telling confirmation of the error of her choice was that she had no peace. Peace of mind is the most important indicator of God’s will. There is no time we walk in his path for our lives that we ever lack peace. Even by human nature, when we receive a marriage proposal from the man of our dreams, what we feel is joy and eager expectation of that D-Day. We go out and tell everybody that we are engaged to HIM!

Tonia had no joy, no peace, no expectation; she could not even tell anybody! And yet she was asking the Holy Spirit to show her if she was making the right choice!!! What other sign does she need? A booming voice of thunder from heaven?!

Like Tonia, many of us know in our hearts that the choices we make are not the right ones and like Tonia, we don’t want to accept that we are wrong. If we, like Tonia, go ahead with that wrong choice, we will end up consigning ourselves to a lifetime of regret.


  1. Very, very good. right on sista. Oh, if only we would heed this message!!

  2. Peace is the most important part in our lives. We can't buy it anywhere in this world. It is difficult to listen to somebody when at the same time you love a person. Yet,if you decide it for today not to continue in such relationship that bothers you a lot, you will never regret in the end in fact, you will have a great testimony. He knows your heart and everything within you.
    God bless.
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